I actually fainted

So as you all know I went to a four day house party last week. I was taking yokes (E) as I'm sure I've said before so of course I wasn't eating.

  On the Friday morning I felt alright, better than I'd thought I'd be anyways, but I did feel really faint. Whenever I was standing for a long time my vision would start to go fuzzy and I'd lose all my energy. It was ok for a while since I could just sit down and I'd be right as rain in no time.  But later in the morning I got up and went over to a mirror to do my hair. There were no places to sit down near the mirror or places to leave down my hair straightener so when my vision started to go and I felt faint again I just tried to push through it. I leaned against the wardrobe and took deep breaths in the hope i'd subside. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the floor directly under where i'd been leaning on the wardrobe. I was still holding my hair straightener and everything. One of my friends was on the bed in the room and looked so confused when I turned round to her. She said one minute I was just standing there the next I fell straight down. 

  I've never and I mean never fainted before. I've felt like I was going to faint many times but actually dropping like a fly? Nope, never happened before. It felt weird.


  I kinda liked it =/

So my weight has settled. I've lost one stone.

I haven't eaten today and I have no appetite.

Haven't taken drugs since Friday last week so that's 10 days.

On Thursday I'm going to a houseparty thing. It starts Thursday and ends Sunday. There'll be a lot of drugs there. When I take yokes I can't eat while on them and definetly not the day afterwards, as i've said before. I'll be taking them Thursday night, Friday night maybe Saturday night. I also don't eat the day before taking them. So I've come to the conclusion I'll eat something Wednesday and that'll be the last thing i'll have for a long time. If I take them Saturday I won't eat until Tuesday.

I don't even know if I'll eat much between now and Wednesday. My mind state isn't great and I have no appetite at all.

I told Kevin , the guy holding the houseparty that I know well I won't be able to eat if we're yoking for three days straight and he said I'll be a stick by Monday. I'm glad he didn't freak when I said I was ok with not eating for at least four days. Fair enough he gets it's because of the yokes but I know a few people who'd have a go at me for saying "I've accepted the fact I'll be having my last meal for quite some time on Wednesday."

I'll post on my other blog about how the Party went.


Stay Safe
xx

I've lost

I've lost a stone in a matter of weeks.

MDMA has stolen away my appetite. I don't eat on days where I know I will be taking it and after I can't eat properly for two days (unless it's really clean) so the days where I can eat are less than those where I can't and voila, lost weight.

It's weird losing weight without trying. I love it. It's way easier.

I mean there's the days where I can't eat because of the drugs but then there's still the regular days where I'll wake up and I won't want food. Like how I've always been. These regular days are normally followed by a binge but not anymore.

I know it's bad but I love it all the same.

The Week In Food

Monday (last week) - Nothing.
Tuesday - 2 low fat chocolate mousses, 2 slices of pizza (I was really hungry at the movie thing in college and I can't turn down free pizza when I'm hungry) and afterward I met some friends who got KFC and well one of them is my chicken buddy and took great offence when I turned down a piece of his chicken so I had to eat it. So Tuesday wasn't a good day.
Wednesday - Fasted.
Thursday - Fasted.
Friday - I woke up and almost fainted getting out of bed. My heart was racing and I started getting tunnel vision. It took me over two hours to get dressed, brush my hair and put on some make up because I had to keep lying down. So I drank a small glass of orange juice and a pint of water. Ate one small piece of dark chocolate and had one piece of crispbread. Not a lot of calories. Under 100. But it covered the possibility of me being dehydrated or having low blood sugar. I felt alot better later on in the day but getting into college and having to sit through a two hour lab and dissect a worm is not fun when you feel faint.
That night I also had a 3 in 1 from the chinese. Healthy, I know.
Saturday - Saturday I ate alot. I had a hamburger and 4 chicken nuggets from mcdonalds. I had roast chicken fillets and mashed potatoes when I got home and then I had a slice of cake I backed at my friends house.
Sunday - I stayed in a friends house Saturday night and we stayed in bed until at least 5pm the next day. It was such a lazy day. When we got up we didn't do much else. But I ended up craving pizza and of course I cracked. Also ate alot of kit kats and aero chocolate. So That's two days bad eating. It'll be made up for this week.
Today (monday) - I ate a toasted cheese sandwhich for breakfast so that's well over enough for today. I'm hungry but i've no appetite so I doubt that'll be too difficult.

I'm still here I swear

No point apologising that I haven't posted in ages. I always apologise and what does that change? I'm still going to take ages to post again the next time.

I just wanted to write so I'm up to date a little bit.

So.....

I'm just after starting my second semester in college. I'll be finished first year in no time. It hasn't started off too well. I have an assignment due at half two and i'm writing this?

I'm completely done with lads. I know people always say that after a few bad experiences but I'm actually getting rather afraid of guys showing interest in me. I've been hanging out with these guys I used to go to school with and I love being able to sit on their knees if needs be in the car or sleep in the same bed with if we go to a house party together but i'm terrified of either of them trying anything on. I like being comfortable with them but anything more always ruins everything.
But it is great fun with them. They always try kidnap me and get me stoned. We all went to one of their houses last Friday and took MDMA. It was such a good night. His sister has the coolest bed.

Food wise I haven't been eating much. Last Friday I ate about 4 skittle sweets and 5 malteasers throughout the entire day. Saturday I went to dinner for a birthday and I had absolutely no appetite after the MDMA. I ordered a chicken caeser salad with no dressing and I could barely finish half of it. Then we went clubbing and I was dancing like a mad yoke. You'd swear I was still drugged up.
 Sunday I ate a good bit though. Ended up meeting the lads again and they got KFC and gave me some chicken. Then we got chinese that night. Monday I'd no appetite again so fasted. This morning I ate one low fat chocolate mousse with like 60cals. Don't plan to eat till later tonight. I'm going to a social night in college to watch movies and there'll be pizza. I've a feeling I'll tell Kieran I had pizza but when it comes time to actually eat it I'll tell them all I already ate or I'm not in the mood for pizza. Movie should be good though.

That's about all I can think of at the moment. I'll try post again this week.
xx

He wants to make me fat

I was with my boyfriend today and we were messing around and he ended up lying on my back pinnng me to the ground (Long story haha). He said he was surprised how uncomfortable I was to lie on, that I had a boney back. He told me ages ago that he likes chubby girls, not exactly fat but he likes girls with a bit of meat on their bones. He said he was going to fatten me up. Fuck. I told him he can't do that, if he makes me fat i'll be sad all the time and does he want that? He said "Ah well, at least you won't be all skinny" and laughed like he was joking but he's serious isn't he. He's going to try make me fat... D=

I'm building up a repertoire (is that how it's spelt?)

I have safe foods. Low calorie foods mainly that I can eat without feeling guilty because even if I eat 6 of these things it's still way better than eating 6 of the full calorie option for said food. For example I found these chocolate mousse things that come in like a yogurt carton and only have 46 calories. You buy them in packs of six so even if I binged on them I'd only be able to have 276 cals where as if I bought full fat chocolate mousse there'd be around 125 cals per pot so 6 of those would be 750 which is alot worse. I also found these really filling chocolate cereal bars which have 98 cals each which is high enough but they're so filling that one would do me for lunch and keep the hunger away. They'd also be good for when I get chocolate cravings.

Also on my save foods list is: Melba toast (75 cals per packet), diet fanta (13 cals per 250ml bottle but this is really just a safe food for when I need a mixer when I go out drinking), raw carrot sticks, granny smiths, steamed and salted baby corn and brocolli cold for lunch, ice berg lettuce (25 cals for a bug bag), berries and berrie smoothies when made using low fat, low cal natural yogurt. Frozen orange juice (takes ages to eat since I freeze it in a mug) oh and there's these cranberry biscuity things I found which are good for breakfast and I can't remember exactly but are well under 100 cals. And then rice cakes of course =)

I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any. I wish I could just have safe foods and nothing else forever onwards =D