How easily my day can change.

I wake up.
I feel empty, hungry I guess.
I sneak into my dads room and weigh myself.
I've lost 3 pounds. As soon as I eat anything i'll gain it all back. It's not actual weight lost.
I go downstairs and start my study.
At lunch time I have break a portion of noodles (340 calories, too much) into half (170 calories, acceptable).
Then I have a litre of water and a handful of minstrels (211 calories, I tell myself it's a once off)
I study more. My mind wanders back to the remaining minsterels in the fridge. I can't resist (300 calories, damn it!)
My dad leaves. I go watch tv with a packet of melba toast (75cals) and some frozen orange juice (I don't count fruit and vegetable calories)
Then I go get crisps (95cals.) Then more (105 cals)
Then I go get more melba toast but stop myslef.
Watch more TV.
Try study.
Can't.
Computer.
Dad comes home.
Mary comes over. Brings playstation
I play on the playstation while they cook dinner, garlic bread (god knows, i'm guessing 240 cals), steak (340) two spoons of mash potato (200), veg.
Dessert, lemon cake slice, low fat version (75 cals)
Dad asks Mary why she bought  the crisps, she says they're Cians (her son), he tells her to take them home. I tell him i'll eat them.
He throws me a packet (95 cals. Fat Pig!)
Another cake slice (75cals, Thank God it's low fat.)

I feel fat. I am fat. I've ruined what i worked at all weekend.

Planned total cals = 600.
If i had only eaten my planned lunch and dinner = 950
Total calories = 1,970
Binge calories = 1,020

Tomorrow i'm not eating in school, and for dinner i'm only eating the veg and nibbles of everything else so it looks like I ate it. Fuck this, i'm not gaining back all I lost. I hate waking up feeling happy and going back to bed feeling like shit.


On a plus side, in 5 days, i should have eaten 10,000 calories (recommended 2,000 cals by 5 days) but I only ate 3,068. An undereat of 6,932 calories =)
(I fasted Friday and Saturday. Ate 466 cals Sunday. 632 cals Monday)