7lbs in 4 days but it's probably just water weight

Title says it all. Last time I checked I had lost half a stone but I'm almost sure it's just from dehydration. You see, my school had the bright idea to remove all the cold taps in the bathrooms so I can't refill my water bottle now and I'm in there for 12 hours and I don't bring money to school for fear I'll buy food so I can't buy water. Anyways I've only been drinking 1 litre of water a day compared to my usual 3-4 litres.
         On Monday I ate two apples and two packets of melba toast and I ate the same on Tuesday. So I wasn't getting much water from my food either. I fasted Wednesday with only that 1 litre of water too and boy was that a bad idea. Could barely get out of bed this morning (thursday). My head was pounding and so was my heart. When I stood up my vision started to go dark and blurry starting from the bottom up. I had to have a showed which is a really bad thing when I feel this faint. I've blacked out in there before and that wasn't fun!
         So I was standing in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror trying to decide if mabye I could get away with one day of greasy hair but I looked a state so I had to face the shower and ya I sorta blacked out again. Straight away my vision started to go and usually when I close my eyes for a minute or so I'm fine but nothing improved so I ended up sitting on the floor of the shower washing my hair with my eyes wide open but unable to see a thing. It did pass eventually but it was still quite scary.
         When I went downstairs I drank a bucket load of water and I ate one crispbread (30 cals), one packet of melba toast (75 cals) and a light choices lemon cake square (70 cals, 0.3 g of fat). I hate eating breakfast but I just felt to tired and weak I knew I had to or I'd never get through the day. I ate the lemon cake square to raise my blood sugar levels.
           I had a half day in school (I think I already mentioned that) so I had my mind set that I was going to have to eat dinner. When I got home I just thought "I'll be eating dinner anyways so why not just eat everything?" and that's exactly what I did. Hi again 7lbs, you weren't gone long. Oh and did I mention I lost an inch on my waist? Ya that's probably back now too.
           I felt to sick by the time my Dad got home and cooked dinner. I even tried to get sick just so I could fell better but that didn't exactly work. Sometimes I wish I could just get sick on demand. I hate the post binge feeling so much. It's like my stomach is going to burst!
          Tomorrow (Friday) I don't have late study. It's only on four days a week so that means I'll be having dinner again but mabye if I don't eat lunch or anything in school and then just half my dinner I'll still be able to count it as a restrict. But I'm getting more strict on what I could as a restrict lately. It used to be under 1000 but over 500 was a bad restrict. Then it was if I ate too many 'bad' foods instead of controlled amounts of 'safe' foods. Now it's under 700 and over 400 is a bad restrict.
          The moral of this post is I don't think I should fast after two days of only eating 230 calories per day and barely any water. For one thing I felt terrible this morning and secondly It's a bit too risky of getting caught. A friend commented on the dark circles under my eyes and my other friend then asked me why I'm so tired after I told her I went to bed really early for once.
        
 (I forgot to mention the 4th day, I only talked about 3 of the four days above. On Sunday I restricted too. I slept in and then read in bed for ages so my dad brought me breakfast in bed which I gratefully thanked him for before swiftly putting in under my bed practically untouched besides a small bit of some wholemeal toast. When the coast was clear I then fed most of it to the cat and chucked the rest in the bin. Then I ate an apple and nothing else until he cooked dinner. Pizza and chips. I thanked him again and then took forever to find a glass I liked and fill it with water. He left the kitchen then to eat it in front of the tv and I threw the pizza in the bin, leaving a tiny slice behind on the plate. Then I went on the computer and quickly realised I could throw the chips in the fire, but they took ages to burn and I was getting scared he notice but it was grand in the end. I nibbled at the left behind slice of pizza and a few chips so to him it looked like I ate most of it but stopped because I was full. I fould this, what I did, strange. I just had this sudden urge not to eat. Usually It's the opposite. I want to eat and eat and never stop. But I just looked at the food and I felt sick. Mabye it's because it was greasy junk fod. Especially the breakfast which was a fry up. I'm not sure why I wrote theis but it seems sorta important to me. It was like a turning point I suppose.I feel really different lately.)

I'm so tired still, even after I ate so much that you'd think i'd be bouncing off the walls. So I'm off to bed. Goodnight. Xx

Yay and =(

So today I started late study and it's so weird getting home and having an hour before it's time to go to bed. Annoying too. Today I ate 250 calories (2 packets of melba toast (75x2) and two apples (40x2)) which I'm very happy with. I told my Dad I went to a restaurant and got a full dinner. So that's the yay part.

The =( part. My friend C, her mom drops her dinner down to her and she eats in in the car. My friends told me to sit in the backseat while she ate it and her mom started asking what I had for my dinner. I told her I'm getting dinner when I go home and she said "oh no you can't eat so late it's very unhealthy! I can bring you down dinner too if you like? I'll bring extra tomorrow." ...... 
My friend C is like the only friend I have that does late study so it's not like I can't come with her to her mom when she gets her dinner and I can't lie and tell her mom I got something with C is right there. I might have to tell C i'm going home for dinner and go wait in my car but that'll be a last resort. Mabye I can tell her I'm going home and drive down the road a bit then go for a walk. I'm so sick of lying but I should have guessed it wouldn't be easy. C eats so much! Compared to her I might as well be eating dust! She's always telling me to buy sweets and cookies and junk when she goes to buy stuff and I don't. Usually I just distract her with more food and it's grand but she's going to notice eventually. I am spending twelve hours a day with her technically.

I want to fast tomorrow but I might have to leave it till wednesday so I have more time to think of a way to get around C and her mother.
I have a half day thursday so I'll have to have a proper dinner then and I definetly want to fast at least one day before then, two'd be great though.

I'll figure something out.
Bye for now.
Xx

Quick Update

So much for my plan to write more often. I just keep forgetting I have a blog now! I'll get used to it eventually.

    Tomorrow I'm starting late after school study. Up to know I've been doing regular after school study which is two hours, and it's over at half 6. Late study is 4 hours not including breaks and is over at 9. In a way i'm dreading it and I know the weeks are going to go by so slowly from no on but then I think, Hey I can fast all week if I want to now. My dad's going to give me a weekly allowance to get my own dinner during the breats and I'll probably pack my own lunch instead of eating a big meal in a restaurant or fast food place with everyone else so I'll get to keep the money he gives me which I will put in my find for my end of year trip to the rainforest (more on that later). I think I'll bring one packet of melba toast (75 cals), an apple (40 cals), one crispbread (29 cals) and 1 litre of water tomorrow, then fast tuesday or something.
             I binged for a whole week last week so I need to make up for that and make myself feel better too. I was so angry at myself two days ago because I lost my purse in the cinema because I went to buy popcorn. If I hadn't gone to bloody eat like a pig I wouldn't have lost it. I ended up relapsing on the self-harm front which made me even more angry with myself because I was doing so well on quitting. I'm more determined now than ever!
            I'm really worried one of my friends is onto me. There were some comments on a friends formspring about eating disorders and I left comments too, and someone wrote saying ''I have a friend who never eats lunch in school, is thin but thinks she's fat and is always on about wanting to be thinner. They haven't lost any significant weight but still. They kinda sounded like the girl below on about EDnos" and I think I know which friend wrote that comment and I really hope i'm wrong and they don't mean me because the girl whos formspring it is is saying to confront her (mabye me, sorry if this is getting confusing) and the other girl (who i think is my friend talking about me) is agreeing, saying she might confront her. If it is this particular friend I could never talk to her about any of this if she knew. We don't click really. I'm just friends with her because she's friends with my other friend. At least she doesn't do late study and won't see me going the entire day on nothing rathar than just thinking I skip lunch.

 Gotta run, it's getting late and I still have homework! I'll be back when I can which probably won't be for ages seeing as I'll practically be living in school from now on.

Ciao,
Xx

A Long Time

So I haven't written in a while. I kinda forgot I'd started a blog. But I'll try write more often, I promise. Even though I have no followers so no one reads these. Ah well, I'm doing this for me, because I suck at keeping a journal, and I'd like to keep something to look back on when i'm older.

So Christmas sucked. But I'd prepared myself for this, I knew it'd be terrible. On a plus side I'm able to resist all the junk around the house, I haven't really eaten it (except for binges of course), There's at least three big toblerones 4 boxes of jaffa cakes in the next room and I have no plans to eat them. We were given a box of celebrations and i'm proud to say I only ate about 20 sweets (spread out over two weeks) as oppose to the entire box in one go.
My brother got me tickets to the music festival Oxegen, I can't wait to go =D
And my Dad got me tickets to see the Script.

So Oxegen is my new goal, I hate setting goals, make me look like i'm on a diet, but I need goals, I'm like that, I need to plan things in advance.
I would Love to be 84lbs by then, so a loss of 51lbs in 27 weeks or just under 2 lbs (1.89) a week. Which seems reachable. But I know as I reach 100 and under I'll be barely losing a pound a week so I'm desperate to get to 100 as fast as possible.

So today is the 2nd of January 2011. (It's going to take me forever to get used to writing 2011 rather than 2010) Today I fasted, to kick off the new year. I feel terrible. I ate a mini milky way earlier, (took me about an hour) and I felt so bad after. Guilty and sick. I'm going to drink a bucket load of water after this, that might make me feel better. I don't even care if I gain loads in water weight, I don't mind water wight, It goes away over night anyways.

I'm cleaning out my room at the moment. It's over half way done. I just have to go through my wardrobe and give all the stuff I don't wear or doesn't fit anymore to the clothes bank, then go through my desk and get rid of any junk in there I don't need. I love when I clean out my room. When it's all clean and tidy and decluttered I feel clean and tidy and decluttered and refreshed and I spend more time in my room doing homework and reading which is good =)

So far this year has started out good, now lets see if the following 363 days are equally good.