Title says it all. Last time I checked I had lost half a stone but I'm almost sure it's just from dehydration. You see, my school had the bright idea to remove all the cold taps in the bathrooms so I can't refill my water bottle now and I'm in there for 12 hours and I don't bring money to school for fear I'll buy food so I can't buy water. Anyways I've only been drinking 1 litre of water a day compared to my usual 3-4 litres.
On Monday I ate two apples and two packets of melba toast and I ate the same on Tuesday. So I wasn't getting much water from my food either. I fasted Wednesday with only that 1 litre of water too and boy was that a bad idea. Could barely get out of bed this morning (thursday). My head was pounding and so was my heart. When I stood up my vision started to go dark and blurry starting from the bottom up. I had to have a showed which is a really bad thing when I feel this faint. I've blacked out in there before and that wasn't fun!
So I was standing in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror trying to decide if mabye I could get away with one day of greasy hair but I looked a state so I had to face the shower and ya I sorta blacked out again. Straight away my vision started to go and usually when I close my eyes for a minute or so I'm fine but nothing improved so I ended up sitting on the floor of the shower washing my hair with my eyes wide open but unable to see a thing. It did pass eventually but it was still quite scary.
When I went downstairs I drank a bucket load of water and I ate one crispbread (30 cals), one packet of melba toast (75 cals) and a light choices lemon cake square (70 cals, 0.3 g of fat). I hate eating breakfast but I just felt to tired and weak I knew I had to or I'd never get through the day. I ate the lemon cake square to raise my blood sugar levels.
I had a half day in school (I think I already mentioned that) so I had my mind set that I was going to have to eat dinner. When I got home I just thought "I'll be eating dinner anyways so why not just eat everything?" and that's exactly what I did. Hi again 7lbs, you weren't gone long. Oh and did I mention I lost an inch on my waist? Ya that's probably back now too.
I felt to sick by the time my Dad got home and cooked dinner. I even tried to get sick just so I could fell better but that didn't exactly work. Sometimes I wish I could just get sick on demand. I hate the post binge feeling so much. It's like my stomach is going to burst!
Tomorrow (Friday) I don't have late study. It's only on four days a week so that means I'll be having dinner again but mabye if I don't eat lunch or anything in school and then just half my dinner I'll still be able to count it as a restrict. But I'm getting more strict on what I could as a restrict lately. It used to be under 1000 but over 500 was a bad restrict. Then it was if I ate too many 'bad' foods instead of controlled amounts of 'safe' foods. Now it's under 700 and over 400 is a bad restrict.
The moral of this post is I don't think I should fast after two days of only eating 230 calories per day and barely any water. For one thing I felt terrible this morning and secondly It's a bit too risky of getting caught. A friend commented on the dark circles under my eyes and my other friend then asked me why I'm so tired after I told her I went to bed really early for once.
(I forgot to mention the 4th day, I only talked about 3 of the four days above. On Sunday I restricted too. I slept in and then read in bed for ages so my dad brought me breakfast in bed which I gratefully thanked him for before swiftly putting in under my bed practically untouched besides a small bit of some wholemeal toast. When the coast was clear I then fed most of it to the cat and chucked the rest in the bin. Then I ate an apple and nothing else until he cooked dinner. Pizza and chips. I thanked him again and then took forever to find a glass I liked and fill it with water. He left the kitchen then to eat it in front of the tv and I threw the pizza in the bin, leaving a tiny slice behind on the plate. Then I went on the computer and quickly realised I could throw the chips in the fire, but they took ages to burn and I was getting scared he notice but it was grand in the end. I nibbled at the left behind slice of pizza and a few chips so to him it looked like I ate most of it but stopped because I was full. I fould this, what I did, strange. I just had this sudden urge not to eat. Usually It's the opposite. I want to eat and eat and never stop. But I just looked at the food and I felt sick. Mabye it's because it was greasy junk fod. Especially the breakfast which was a fry up. I'm not sure why I wrote theis but it seems sorta important to me. It was like a turning point I suppose.I feel really different lately.)
I'm so tired still, even after I ate so much that you'd think i'd be bouncing off the walls. So I'm off to bed. Goodnight. Xx
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