I've lost a stone in a matter of weeks.
MDMA has stolen away my appetite. I don't eat on days where I know I will be taking it and after I can't eat properly for two days (unless it's really clean) so the days where I can eat are less than those where I can't and voila, lost weight.
It's weird losing weight without trying. I love it. It's way easier.
I mean there's the days where I can't eat because of the drugs but then there's still the regular days where I'll wake up and I won't want food. Like how I've always been. These regular days are normally followed by a binge but not anymore.
I know it's bad but I love it all the same.
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Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Week In Food
Monday (last week) - Nothing.
Tuesday - 2 low fat chocolate mousses, 2 slices of pizza (I was really hungry at the movie thing in college and I can't turn down free pizza when I'm hungry) and afterward I met some friends who got KFC and well one of them is my chicken buddy and took great offence when I turned down a piece of his chicken so I had to eat it. So Tuesday wasn't a good day.
Wednesday - Fasted.
Thursday - Fasted.
Friday - I woke up and almost fainted getting out of bed. My heart was racing and I started getting tunnel vision. It took me over two hours to get dressed, brush my hair and put on some make up because I had to keep lying down. So I drank a small glass of orange juice and a pint of water. Ate one small piece of dark chocolate and had one piece of crispbread. Not a lot of calories. Under 100. But it covered the possibility of me being dehydrated or having low blood sugar. I felt alot better later on in the day but getting into college and having to sit through a two hour lab and dissect a worm is not fun when you feel faint.
That night I also had a 3 in 1 from the chinese. Healthy, I know.
Saturday - Saturday I ate alot. I had a hamburger and 4 chicken nuggets from mcdonalds. I had roast chicken fillets and mashed potatoes when I got home and then I had a slice of cake I backed at my friends house.
Sunday - I stayed in a friends house Saturday night and we stayed in bed until at least 5pm the next day. It was such a lazy day. When we got up we didn't do much else. But I ended up craving pizza and of course I cracked. Also ate alot of kit kats and aero chocolate. So That's two days bad eating. It'll be made up for this week.
Today (monday) - I ate a toasted cheese sandwhich for breakfast so that's well over enough for today. I'm hungry but i've no appetite so I doubt that'll be too difficult.
Tuesday - 2 low fat chocolate mousses, 2 slices of pizza (I was really hungry at the movie thing in college and I can't turn down free pizza when I'm hungry) and afterward I met some friends who got KFC and well one of them is my chicken buddy and took great offence when I turned down a piece of his chicken so I had to eat it. So Tuesday wasn't a good day.
Wednesday - Fasted.
Thursday - Fasted.
Friday - I woke up and almost fainted getting out of bed. My heart was racing and I started getting tunnel vision. It took me over two hours to get dressed, brush my hair and put on some make up because I had to keep lying down. So I drank a small glass of orange juice and a pint of water. Ate one small piece of dark chocolate and had one piece of crispbread. Not a lot of calories. Under 100. But it covered the possibility of me being dehydrated or having low blood sugar. I felt alot better later on in the day but getting into college and having to sit through a two hour lab and dissect a worm is not fun when you feel faint.
That night I also had a 3 in 1 from the chinese. Healthy, I know.
Saturday - Saturday I ate alot. I had a hamburger and 4 chicken nuggets from mcdonalds. I had roast chicken fillets and mashed potatoes when I got home and then I had a slice of cake I backed at my friends house.
Sunday - I stayed in a friends house Saturday night and we stayed in bed until at least 5pm the next day. It was such a lazy day. When we got up we didn't do much else. But I ended up craving pizza and of course I cracked. Also ate alot of kit kats and aero chocolate. So That's two days bad eating. It'll be made up for this week.
Today (monday) - I ate a toasted cheese sandwhich for breakfast so that's well over enough for today. I'm hungry but i've no appetite so I doubt that'll be too difficult.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I'm still here I swear
No point apologising that I haven't posted in ages. I always apologise and what does that change? I'm still going to take ages to post again the next time.
I just wanted to write so I'm up to date a little bit.
So.....
I'm just after starting my second semester in college. I'll be finished first year in no time. It hasn't started off too well. I have an assignment due at half two and i'm writing this?
I'm completely done with lads. I know people always say that after a few bad experiences but I'm actually getting rather afraid of guys showing interest in me. I've been hanging out with these guys I used to go to school with and I love being able to sit on their knees if needs be in the car or sleep in the same bed with if we go to a house party together but i'm terrified of either of them trying anything on. I like being comfortable with them but anything more always ruins everything.
But it is great fun with them. They always try kidnap me and get me stoned. We all went to one of their houses last Friday and took MDMA. It was such a good night. His sister has the coolest bed.
Food wise I haven't been eating much. Last Friday I ate about 4 skittle sweets and 5 malteasers throughout the entire day. Saturday I went to dinner for a birthday and I had absolutely no appetite after the MDMA. I ordered a chicken caeser salad with no dressing and I could barely finish half of it. Then we went clubbing and I was dancing like a mad yoke. You'd swear I was still drugged up.
Sunday I ate a good bit though. Ended up meeting the lads again and they got KFC and gave me some chicken. Then we got chinese that night. Monday I'd no appetite again so fasted. This morning I ate one low fat chocolate mousse with like 60cals. Don't plan to eat till later tonight. I'm going to a social night in college to watch movies and there'll be pizza. I've a feeling I'll tell Kieran I had pizza but when it comes time to actually eat it I'll tell them all I already ate or I'm not in the mood for pizza. Movie should be good though.
That's about all I can think of at the moment. I'll try post again this week.
xx
I just wanted to write so I'm up to date a little bit.
So.....
I'm just after starting my second semester in college. I'll be finished first year in no time. It hasn't started off too well. I have an assignment due at half two and i'm writing this?
I'm completely done with lads. I know people always say that after a few bad experiences but I'm actually getting rather afraid of guys showing interest in me. I've been hanging out with these guys I used to go to school with and I love being able to sit on their knees if needs be in the car or sleep in the same bed with if we go to a house party together but i'm terrified of either of them trying anything on. I like being comfortable with them but anything more always ruins everything.
But it is great fun with them. They always try kidnap me and get me stoned. We all went to one of their houses last Friday and took MDMA. It was such a good night. His sister has the coolest bed.
Food wise I haven't been eating much. Last Friday I ate about 4 skittle sweets and 5 malteasers throughout the entire day. Saturday I went to dinner for a birthday and I had absolutely no appetite after the MDMA. I ordered a chicken caeser salad with no dressing and I could barely finish half of it. Then we went clubbing and I was dancing like a mad yoke. You'd swear I was still drugged up.
Sunday I ate a good bit though. Ended up meeting the lads again and they got KFC and gave me some chicken. Then we got chinese that night. Monday I'd no appetite again so fasted. This morning I ate one low fat chocolate mousse with like 60cals. Don't plan to eat till later tonight. I'm going to a social night in college to watch movies and there'll be pizza. I've a feeling I'll tell Kieran I had pizza but when it comes time to actually eat it I'll tell them all I already ate or I'm not in the mood for pizza. Movie should be good though.
That's about all I can think of at the moment. I'll try post again this week.
xx
Saturday, October 1, 2011
He wants to make me fat
I was with my boyfriend today and we were messing around and he ended up lying on my back pinnng me to the ground (Long story haha). He said he was surprised how uncomfortable I was to lie on, that I had a boney back. He told me ages ago that he likes chubby girls, not exactly fat but he likes girls with a bit of meat on their bones. He said he was going to fatten me up. Fuck. I told him he can't do that, if he makes me fat i'll be sad all the time and does he want that? He said "Ah well, at least you won't be all skinny" and laughed like he was joking but he's serious isn't he. He's going to try make me fat... D=
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I'm building up a repertoire (is that how it's spelt?)
I have safe foods. Low calorie foods mainly that I can eat without feeling guilty because even if I eat 6 of these things it's still way better than eating 6 of the full calorie option for said food. For example I found these chocolate mousse things that come in like a yogurt carton and only have 46 calories. You buy them in packs of six so even if I binged on them I'd only be able to have 276 cals where as if I bought full fat chocolate mousse there'd be around 125 cals per pot so 6 of those would be 750 which is alot worse. I also found these really filling chocolate cereal bars which have 98 cals each which is high enough but they're so filling that one would do me for lunch and keep the hunger away. They'd also be good for when I get chocolate cravings.
Also on my save foods list is: Melba toast (75 cals per packet), diet fanta (13 cals per 250ml bottle but this is really just a safe food for when I need a mixer when I go out drinking), raw carrot sticks, granny smiths, steamed and salted baby corn and brocolli cold for lunch, ice berg lettuce (25 cals for a bug bag), berries and berrie smoothies when made using low fat, low cal natural yogurt. Frozen orange juice (takes ages to eat since I freeze it in a mug) oh and there's these cranberry biscuity things I found which are good for breakfast and I can't remember exactly but are well under 100 cals. And then rice cakes of course =)
I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any. I wish I could just have safe foods and nothing else forever onwards =D
Also on my save foods list is: Melba toast (75 cals per packet), diet fanta (13 cals per 250ml bottle but this is really just a safe food for when I need a mixer when I go out drinking), raw carrot sticks, granny smiths, steamed and salted baby corn and brocolli cold for lunch, ice berg lettuce (25 cals for a bug bag), berries and berrie smoothies when made using low fat, low cal natural yogurt. Frozen orange juice (takes ages to eat since I freeze it in a mug) oh and there's these cranberry biscuity things I found which are good for breakfast and I can't remember exactly but are well under 100 cals. And then rice cakes of course =)
I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any. I wish I could just have safe foods and nothing else forever onwards =D
Friday, September 16, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Can't....stop.....binging!
I just spend ten minutes hitting my stomach with a can of hairspray really hard.
Why on earth can I not break out of this? I'm convinced I've, as they say, ED jumped but I think this is just more to do with my general EDNOSity. It just never lasts this long. I've binged 5 days straight and twice more this month but with a gap or restricting. I want college to just start already so I can go back to being distracted. I'm good at controlling myself at school so college should be the same, plus I'm walking loads at college because I have to walk back into town twice to meet my boyfriend on his breaks (at 1pm and at 4:45pm and then back to college) and my lectures are spaced apart some days and it's a BIG campus. The last day I packed my set lunch and food for the day and I stuck to it till I got home but I got home at 2pm while on normal days I'd be in the library till 6 so that won't happen when college is in full swing. I have such good intentions, veg and safe foods only and just water, no drinking alcohol more than twice a month and gym after college at least 4 times a week. No breaks at college, keep busy and moving or go to the river if I need a rest but no sitting with friends while they eat, that will attract attention. So I have high hopes....now I'm just waiting for them to burn.
Fingers crossed things will turn out different this time.
Stay save
xx
Why on earth can I not break out of this? I'm convinced I've, as they say, ED jumped but I think this is just more to do with my general EDNOSity. It just never lasts this long. I've binged 5 days straight and twice more this month but with a gap or restricting. I want college to just start already so I can go back to being distracted. I'm good at controlling myself at school so college should be the same, plus I'm walking loads at college because I have to walk back into town twice to meet my boyfriend on his breaks (at 1pm and at 4:45pm and then back to college) and my lectures are spaced apart some days and it's a BIG campus. The last day I packed my set lunch and food for the day and I stuck to it till I got home but I got home at 2pm while on normal days I'd be in the library till 6 so that won't happen when college is in full swing. I have such good intentions, veg and safe foods only and just water, no drinking alcohol more than twice a month and gym after college at least 4 times a week. No breaks at college, keep busy and moving or go to the river if I need a rest but no sitting with friends while they eat, that will attract attention. So I have high hopes....now I'm just waiting for them to burn.
Fingers crossed things will turn out different this time.
Stay save
xx
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